I've got 10 minutes to blog. go!
have you ever felt like u will never make someone happy in Ur life??
have you ever felt like instead of making someone feel better, u make them feel worse?
the problem is me. not anyone else. my expectations are too high. when it doesn't happen,i get upset. i keep questioning myself... and the problem is me! and i cant change it. and I'll never be good enuf for you. and i will never make u happy. to know that.. it hurts even more...
because i am sensitive, hot-tempered, not rational, impatient, lazy, playful. lame, not serious, procrastinate, think too much perhaps. all this just doesn't make me an asset to you.
everyone has their limit. and i might just drive u away from me!
i am feeling very sad now. i just feel so guilty and angry with myself. because i cant be there for you, cant comfort u, cant advice you. cant discuss things with you. because I'm stupid and i dun understand what Ur talking about. feel like this bimbo. sigh.
when i heard those things, it really pricked me. so I've decided to just listen more and not give my opinion or ask anything.. or say anything. because it doesn't really matter anyways. its just my 2 cents opinion. who am i anyway?just the girl next door who works in a bank selling insurance. so nobody needs her opinions.
anyways i had a massive attack of diarrhea yesterday.. made my ass burn as usual, so i was on MC today. decided to come back to ti, then tomorrow going back to work(that's why i only have 10 minutes to blog) and today whole day been having headache. before this only right temple. today was whole head, AND MY CHEEK BONES. WHY CHEEK BONES?I DUN SEE THE CONNECTION. THOUGH MOM SAYS ITS POSSIBLE. BUT OH WELL I NEVER FELT IT. SO JUST THOUGHT IT'S WEIRD.
tomorrow got house warming. that's why am coming back on sat only. :(.
the main reason i really wanna go not because i paid rm48 for the gift and i wanna go eat, but because joyce's husband would be there. and it's so hard to meet him. though i know there are no promises, but at least i finally get to talk to him. so yeah.
i hate my hair. it's so uncontrollable. i really wanna perm my hair. i think at my length, it'll be dam nice.. but, sigh. the big but... i don't want to waste money. it's so expensive. rm200 plus. cant afford it.. need to save money. (i have them one. its not so sad case ok) its just i gotta save up for other stuff. like chiang mai, Christmas, sales clinic driving down, knitting.. and of course saving for house..later.lol. so yeah.meanwhile gotta stick with this hair of mine. with the roots growing black, and red that looks brown, and dancing hair.
and i noticed without make up, I LOOK LIKE CRAP. MY FACE, MY SKIN. WHAT IS WRONG?I NEED TO GO FOR FACIAL. NO I AM SERIOUS. WHEN REMOVE MY MAKE UP, I LOOK SO SCARY. SIGH. IS WORK THAT BAD?
ANYWAY I HAVE exceeded my 10 minutes. SHIT I Am gonna feel like crap again tomorrow because i wont have enough sleep. sigh. ok la.. if i am in mood will blog tomorrow k
happy Friday.
with love,
ALIEN
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