am i?

i know nobody gives a dam how i feel or how i am doing. but i need to let it out!

i keep quiet and try to be strong, but i ask myself, am i really that strong?

i am cheerful and happy and merry, but am i really happy and cheerful and merry deep down?

i tell everyone i am ok, but am i really ok?

i know, i am full of venom. i am very bitter, and is coming out indirectly when i talk! why am i like that? i curse, i scold, i get very angry and bitter..i duwan to be like that.. i hate myself for being such a bitch.

i know i cannot fall now. i am holding strong. i must be strong. it's not the end of the world. i must look at the brighter side.

i wont let down my family's hopes. i will stand up, not cry, and carry on walking. i realize a lot of things lately, that in my life, nothing else is important but my family. anything can happen to me, but as long as i have my family by my side, my problems are solved!

i duwan to care bout people who don't appreciate me. i duwan to get angry with people who are not worth my anger and emotions. i duwan to be the planner for everything, and be the monitor. i only will plan our penang trip(my buddies-yau, layne, xiang, emun) and other important people's birthdays. people take me for granted, and i am not going to let it happen again. everyone takes me for a ride. so yeah, get off the pony and find another pony to sit and ride!

i am going to be a very carefree person. i am not going to get angry, curse and i am not going to bother bout anything.