angie is disturbed.remember i said smth was bugging me in yesterdays post?well,yes here's the story!my ex,ermm...lets call him K.ok..K has been calling me many times lately,tellingm e he wants to meet up with me,buti always happen ot be busy!naturally.=)then..last week during raya,he msged me,asking if we wanted to go visit our class mate.remember itold u bout it?i din go..then yesterday...19th october 2007,he msgs me asking if i wanna go to his house for raya.his mom and sister-in-law keep asking bout me.ok before i continue, his fmaily are very nice ppl.i keep i ntouch with his sister in law.so when he told me his mom keeps asking botu me, and if i wanan go to his house,i said ok la.then he kept asking if i want him to fetch me go his house.at first, i said no need,i will drive ther.then later i chickened out cz i dun dare drive along that road leadng to his house.have my reasons ok?so he said he will fetch me from somewhere la.so i parked my car there, he fetched me...ok in the car...it felt so akward.u know the same feeling last time when we were a couple.the same deodorant...same everything.so much memories.btu i tried to stay normal.then went to fetch another class mate then went to his house.ok...in his ohuse,all was normal except the fact that another place full of memories.it was is house where he took off my chain and hooked on the necklace he bought for me for my 19th birthday.when iwas wtih him la.it was the same house i went during raya 2005,where i was scared to meet his late dad as his osn's gf..ok..the dad knew me but as a student,not son's gf.but that raya everyone knew.aiks....so ok back to present tense...so it was weird but i managed pretending to be really normal and friendly.
then after saying bubye to everyone,not actually bye, but u kno,salam.so ok,after that, sent friend back,then it was left with both of us in the car.again,i felt so weird.he kept looking at me the same way he used to look at me last time.the same way when he wanted to ask me out...i felt so akward...then he ask me teman him go bank..meanwhile we were talkinglike normal.but there were lots of pauses...then when reaching my car, i said casually "thanx fro fetching me".and u knoww he held my hand and said "thanx for meeting me today".....omggg,u know i felt like those days wehn we were together.i suddenly rmembered everything.i did not let go, but i missed that moment.i remembered the first time he said thanx to me i nthe caro n the way home from school, remembered the first time he held my hand.and it was that exact feeling.sudenly hit me i stil lmiss him.or maybe just at that moment.but i did.i wanted to hug him, but iknow i cant.and u know whathe said after holding my hand, "i still miss you".really miss you very much".u knowi could have cried.all these while, i moved on, but he did not move on.he was still hoping i would give him nother chance.he was still in love with me.i couldn express myself.when he said that i just kept quiet,then i told him nth canever happen again cz of religion.then we both kept quiet, then i kept telling him i have to go...and am sorryy..i got down of the car feeling like shit..i just dumped a guy again.
went home, he smses me,saying hes really sorry for what happen last time.we were chatting tru sms.and he kept asking for another chance,and said he hates himself fro not forgeting me.he cant do it.i have never beeni nthis situation.i dunno what i have.i feel rotten.i ahve to do this to him!!!aint gonan say exactly waht we tlked bout..but kesimpulannya, told him my reasons,my point of view, apologized for everything i did,which has hurt him,apologized fro putting him in that situation.
feel terible.y love has to be so painful?it can be the best feeling in the world but yet it can really kill u.why?why?
felt depressed that night,,yesterday...couldn think of anything.sad la..to see someone be miserable for u.sighhhhh..
let things just fall into pieces la.i duwna to worry botu it.all iknow is nth will ever happen again..thats fro sure..
ok happy things now. met up with bee just now for lunch. bee is my bestest guy buddie.he knows me so well, he knows everything botu me. we've known each other since ermm lets see...2003,when iwas in form 5 and he form 4.thats long huh?never knew we'd become so close till now.but u know,alot of ppl have asked, "you and ah bee nth r" or "is ah bee single?can piakt him since u also single"wanan know who alwasy ask??my mother..she likes bee a lot. cz tuition.then guess bee gave a godo impresion.not that hespretending,hes really a good guy...and my mom always wil lask where bee and how is he, and y both of us no chemistry.i always tell her, that "me and bee are really close, and we are too close to be a couple". to me, our friendship is more important then anything else.i wont do anything to destroy that special friendship we have.u imagine we be a couple, and things dun go well.then we break up.nto just i loose a bf, but i loose one of my buddies.its not worth it.to me our friendship means the world to me.mom doesn seem to understand..but heheeh.she always says when girls and guys close, means they like each other...no la.not true.there is absolutely no chemistry between me and bee.u know we r so ocmfy with each other,there's no barrier between us.we can do anytign in front of each other without feeling ambarassed.see how close we r?ok..except stripping.we havent oden that la.but we r so closeee.nth can ever spark off between us..my mo msometimes so funny la.
so yeah thats the story of me yesterdayand today.shall update soon.chiao
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