this is me!!

so many things have happened in my life. it made me realize and discover many thins. the most important is i discovered myself. i discovered myself deeper and deeper. and to some people, you may not like what your gonna hear later, but that's me.

i am freaking sensitive. i am very sensitive towards people's tone of voice, how you msg, how you talk!even a simple smiley face can tell me something bout your mood etc!!

i am very hot tempered. i get angry and shout and raise my voice very fast, though i am trying to control it, but it's not something i can do over night.

i am very laid back.

i am not systematic. i am very disorganized. i am very slip shot at times.

i am very playful. i talk nonsense most of the time.

i dun save money.. i spend a lot. i am not money minded, or materialistic.

i simply give tihngs to people, i give a lot, which sometimes i feel i am stupid cz they dun appreciate what i give, neither do they give me back, and sometimes it hurts, but thats just my nature, i love giving things to people i love, and seeing the happy face in them. for some, it;'s not good. but thats me

i whine a lot. whine for nothing. i drama a lot.(hence the course i am studying). for some, it might be annoying. but hell, that's me again

i can be very hart hearted.. i dun cry easily.

i am stupid. i dun have brains. i dun have common sense. i am super blur. i am very dependent on people at times.

i am very stubborn. i have big ego. it's hard to say sorry at times.

i can be rude sometimes, and sarcastic. though i know it will hurt if someone said that to me, but at times, it just slips out. and i am sorry for being rude at times to anyone reading this blog. i am trying to control.

i am a very difficult person to live with. i admit, i am not an easy person.(not cz my expectations are high. my expectations are below average. i dun ask for a lot. all i ask for is to be loved unconditionally, and expect him to treat me well,like a queen. yes, i want that. if anyone has a problem with that statement, suck it!!!!!i dun ask anyone to buy me presents, or take me out for expensive food. i am NOT high maintenance. all i ask for is to love me for what i am, and not just my nice qualities. true love is when u can love that someone more for her flaws then her good points. if anyone cant accept their spouses flaws, but tells them they love them, that's BULLSHIT.thats NOT TRUE LOVE. so yeah, my expectations are not high at all).

but behind all those horrible flaws, i know i have qualities that it's hard to find in other women. i know i have great qualities. i am super caring, i am sensitive, i care for people's feelings, i love people, love is more and most important for me. not money!i will give my everything for people i love!i will do anything for people i love, and not think twice. i will make things for people i love, and it may not be perfect, but its the thought that counts. if i like someone, i wont worry or think twice to do anything for them. i am a great listener and adviser. i may not have the patience to do things, but when people tell me their problems, i can listen and advice them, and always wanna be there for them.

i can accept it when people tell me bout my flaws, BUT I CANNOT ACCEPT IT WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME I AM A LIAR, PEOPLE TELL ME THAT I BETRAY THEM, PEOPLE TELL ME THEY CANT TRUST ME!!!!WHEN I DID NOT DO ANYTHING. I CANNOT ACCEPT THAT. CZ I HAVE NEVER DONE ALL THIS BEFORE. PEOPLE HAVE BETRAYED ME, BUT I HAVE NEVER DONE IT AND WONT DO IT. THATS NOT HOW I HAVE BEEN BROUGHT UP. I WONT DO THINGS LIKE THAT, BUT WHEN PEOPLE TELL ME THAT AND ACCUSE ME OF BEING THAT, I CANNOT ACCEPT IT!!THAT IS ONE THING I WILL NEVER ADMIT, CZ I NEVER DID ANYTHING WRONG TO HEAR STUFF LIKE THAT. IF PEOPLE WANNA THINK OF ME LIKE THAT, SUIT THEMSELVES. GOD IS MY WITNESS, I NEVER DID ANYTHING. it hurts for me, but no, to everyone, it's ok right?i look stupid and naive, so everyone takes advantage of me right?everyone thinks that they can step on my head, or sit on it, shit and shit, then just walk away?right?thats how people treat me?i'm sorry, but i am not people's door mat or toilet bowl!i may keep quiet, but i am aware of it.

that unwrapped box of chocolates with marks on it, misshaped chocolates is still edible. it might look horrible, ugly, no shape, melted, but when u open it, and actually taste it, it still taste good, and it's a waste if you just throw away the whole box just cz it looks ugly.