am i mean?

there are times when you will hate someone till you can curse and swear at him, using all those horrible words..you hate him and thinks he has done the world's greatest sin, which is to hurt you, and play with your feelings!which it is the world's greatest sin..playing with a girl's feeling is really a huge sin.huge huge huge sin..when he played me out, i cried, i cursed at him, sweared at him, hated him.made him look bad in front or my best friends eyes.i was so angry.but i did not stop to think that maybe he had his reasons. maybe something happened that made him do that to me.ok..maybe he was really an ass or prick, but maybe he wasnt.maybe he found a new girl..or whatever his reasons was la..ok, back to the point, the reason i am saying this is cz now i am feeling that.i am going through the same thing..when he flirted with me, with all those sweet words..i felt for it. cz at that time iwas lonely, vulnerable..the wound was opened!i felt for it.he was so nice and loving, and caring, andd i have a bad weak point, i fall for anything a guy tells me. i know i'm stupid..but i cant help it!when he told me he would go holiday with me, i was so happy, when he said we would go clubbing, i was so happy, when he said we would go watch movie together and snuggle up in those twin seats, i was happy, and the list goes on..but when he suddenly stopped smsing me, stopped talking to me on msn, stopped being nice, stopped flirting with me..i was confused. iwas sad, my whole world was crushing.. cz i am laone..i just broke up, and when i was lonely, he was there, and sudenly i am alone. no one!!!he "left" me...though nth started between us, but he was flirting with me..giving me hope..every day come online said he thinking bout me, missing me, cant wait to talk to me..etc..then sudenly,,poofff.and he started being very cold towards me, thats when i got the hint.ass right?betul betul sampat trash.but i moved on..he's OUT OF MY LIFE.no, actually not completely..i still miss him at times. still wish i could talk to him..but its all gone...

i was in a similar situation lately..where i was in his position..and i sudenly stopped talking ot the other guy.i was kinda nasty to him..but i had reasons. religion. i knew i cant be with him..and i told him nicely..ok, in my case, i was honest with him. i told him, but i had to give him the cold shoulder cz he was kinda annoying and annoyed me.and things got worst...and i couldn handle it..and apparently he did not understand!!!i feel bad for doing it to him, but i had no choice!now i know why he did that to me.maybe he had his reasons. prob this guy would prob think i'm a bitch too. i accept it, but i know i did not do the wrong thing.i did a lot of thiking and i know well enuf my family comes first.if they say no, then thats it, iwont go against it!!!

i feel lonely now!!really lonely..i know, i have great pals around me, but its not the same as a companion!!i wish i ahd him by my side. him as in the first paragraph guy. i miss him...i hate to admit tthis, but i do!i cant help but still think botu him, and hate him at the same time, but also miss him.what the hell is worng with me??????he played me out. i should never even think of that..but its feelings.!

then i think i have a crush on someone now, but i know deep down, it will never happen..i have my reasons for saying so.but it kinda hurts..cz when i talk to him, i know, and from how he reacts, i know....there's another girl, and that girl is not me!!maybe the right guy hasn appeared yet..my heart is broken again!!how much can i take?

i'm confused, and sad, heart broken..but i know i have to move on!